…or “Thank you for not knitting.”
I am a member of Ravelry, but to be honest, I do not put much time or effort into it.  I did, however, stumble onto an interesting forum discussion about the rudeness of non-knitters. There were ~275 comments!Â
The gist of the thread was the reaction of non-knitters when we pull out our knitting in regular social situations. By “regular” I mean where knitting is not one of the purposes of the gathering. Many people thought it was rude of muggles to say things like, “What are you knitting now?!?” or comment on it other than to compliment the beauty of the work.
Others were more understanding of the muggle perspective. I guess I fall into the latter catergory. Obviously, I am an avid knitter and feel absolutely naked without my knitting. I never go anywhere without it. My friends and family know it’s “love me, love my knitting.” That said, I do see how a non-knitter could perceive it as rude when someone brings out a knitting project and works on it in front of them.Â
It appears that the knitter is not attending to the conversation, and perception is everything. I would not think of taking my knitting to someone’s home for a special dinner party. It would look like I have “something better to do” than converse and attend to the other guests. Am I able to knit and talk at the same time? Of course! But the appearance is that I care more about my knitting than the other people there. Am I antsy and feel at odds the whole time — you bet! But I suck it up and knit when I get home.
When I go to break at work I always bring my knitting EXCEPT when there are only two of us. I want the other person to feel like I am fully focused on them. And my work peeps are very well trained: they notice when I don’t have my knitting with me (Hey, where’s your knitting!?).Â
My close friends know that I would always rather be knitting, but even with them I would not bring my knitting to a special event or occasion. But “Movie Night” at my house? That knitting is out the second my butt hits the chair!!
I know that most knitters feel it is our right and privilege to knit whenever and wherever we please, and I do agree that it is great to take your knitting to restaurants, movies (!), dentist offices, etc. etc. But I also believe we must respect that others may perceive that we are being exclusive rather than inclusive in the vibe we put out.Â
PS re: Modular Tote Pattern from The Yarnery — this pattern can be purchased on line but will be sent as a hard copy pattern, not a pdf download. Sorry about the miscommunication on my part ;).
PSS: From Susan to Elise: I teach workshops at my job and every so often there is a knitter in the audience. I know that people fidget less and concentrate more when they knit something simple and straight forward, so it does not bother me. If I have knitters in the group, I say “I see that there are some knitters in the group today. I do have a problem with people knitting in class — I wish I was one of them!” You handled your grad school situation perfectly by addressing it up front.
Well said.
Comment by Joan — December 2, 2007 @ 2:03 pm
Thanks for the post regarding knitting in public. Over Thanksgiving, I knitted at the in-laws and at my parents place. They all understand, and it would seem strange if I didn’t have something to do with me. However last evening was spent at my husband’s boss’s home for the obligatory holiday cocktail party. I REALLY wanted to knit as I listened to the other wives chat (gossip), but passed. The boss did have the TV on in the basement for anyone who wanted to watch “the game.” I ended up spending the evening with the guys in the basement. College football is actually something that I do follow, and can knit pretty well while watching. Don’t think that the guys would have had a problem with my knitting while watching the games, but I’d left it at home to avoid the temptation. Probably will be discussed as much for watching the game with the guys, as I would have been for staying with the gals and knitting. Who cares? Next year I’ll know better. Of course none of this matches buzz about the married guy whose wife didn’t show up at all, and he had no explanation what-so-ever as to where she was.
Comment by Denise — December 2, 2007 @ 2:48 pm
I find it rather funny and rude when knitters think they are entitled to knit anywhere,
like church or during meetings at work! I have taken my knitting on occassion to my bookclub
but have stopped that because everyone is watching me and we are really there to talk and
discuss the book.
Comment by Connie — December 2, 2007 @ 2:59 pm
I too saw that thread on Ravelry and totally agree with you. I am very careful where I take my knitting when out of the house. I will knit in a waiting room, or whilst travelling but I never take my knitting to social occasions (non knitting), it is not accepted as polite here due, as you say, to the perception that you are not paying attention etc. I have, however, had rude comments made in my home about the fact that I knit, even if I wasn’t knitting at the time. That is where the eccentric bit comes from!
Comment by Mindie — December 2, 2007 @ 3:06 pm
I totally agree with you that there is a time and place for knitting, no matter how much we love our art. I have observed an acquaintance knitting during an entire funeral and in a church before a “society” wedding and afterward at the reception. I cringed both times!
Comment by Katie's Granny — December 2, 2007 @ 10:24 pm
I mentioned the Ravelry thread to my Darling Husband. HE said he’d be offended if I brought out knitting if we had company (!) or were company somewhere. Hmph. But I also trust his judgment. So while I’d likely bring my knitting, I’d probably take a poll and then abide by the majority opinion. I had an NLP instructor say once that we actually learn BETTER when we have fine motor skills working while we are processing information… but most muggles wouldn’t believe it.
I’ve had similar experiences to your Thanksgiving one. As long as I was sure I’d been “helpful enough” (bringing food, cleaning up) I let the remaining chips and opinions fall where they fell. (And my inlaws liked me better than my husband did… so it was OK in the long run!)
Comment by PainterWoman — December 3, 2007 @ 2:46 am
That doesn’t surprise me. What really bugs me is the number of messages about copyright and copying. Unbelievable how many people think it’s OK blow up someone’s photo to copy a chart. There’s this whole thing about entitlement running through that site.
Comment by Marina — December 3, 2007 @ 7:57 am
This is a funny discussion. As a child (apparently a not-very-well-adjusted one), I used to bring *books* everywhere and just whip them out and read them during social events, so my progressing to knitting in public was seen as a huge step up in sociability!
Comment by Andrea Grant — December 3, 2007 @ 8:09 am
Perception counts for a lot, particularly in “social” circumstances (party, meeting, etc). You are wise to recognize it.
Comment by June — December 3, 2007 @ 10:55 am
It’s all about context. I *do* knit during our monthly lunch meetings at work when everyone is eating the box lunches the firm provides, because somehow knitting while others are digging through their snadwiches and chips and cookie doesn’t seem rude. By contrast, more formal food-related events seem inappropriate for knitting, such as the holiday lunch and dinner functions at my workplace; since these are once-a-year events, and since the firm has spent a pretty penny on them, knitting would seem rude. I *have* knit at the dinner table when we’ve had guests over for dinner — but only because I was trying to finish a sweater I was making for their little girl; I wouldn’t have pulled out the knitting if it weren’t for their kid. (Did I make the right call? I don’t know. We’re pretty close; I think they know my heart’s in the right place; but maybe they were offended.) It’s hard. I wouldn’t think it rude to knit during church because if I go to church, I’m there for my OWN benefit. If I thought I could get what I needed from the service while knitting (I don’t, but if I did), it wouldn’t be anyone’s business but my own; church isn’t a social occasion for me. I am not there to be seen by the other members of the congregation but to listen to the minister. But I would think it rude to knit in church if I’m there during a wedding ceremony or during a christening (or during a funeral): on those occasions, I *am* there to “be seen”: to show up, show my respect, dress appropriately, behave appropriately, etc., and be counted among the friends & family of the person whose major life event is being honored. (I once attended a wedding where a guest wore extremely worn, faded, ripped jeans that were barely hanging on her body. Talk about bad taste.)
Comment by victoria — December 3, 2007 @ 11:16 am
I think you’ll get another 275 opinions on this topic.
Politeness consists of being sensitive to the social nuances of the situation. Some people are better at this than others. Etiquette rules are to help those of us who aren’t very good at it. When in doubt, follow the rules.
Comment by LaurieM — December 3, 2007 @ 1:32 pm
How does your knitting look so perfect? Is it in the blocking? I have been knitting for over 30 years and most of it still looks like a talented chimp has been at work.
Sue
Comment by Sue — December 3, 2007 @ 2:26 pm
I think as long as it’s appropriate to the given situation- it’s fine.
My attitude is “bite me” but I’m past caring what most people think.
Comment by Lorraine — December 3, 2007 @ 4:58 pm
You are right that context is important. What I haven’t seen in these comments is the complexity of the project. If you are constantly having to attend to the details of the knitting, it may not be appropriate even in family gatherings. My DH loves the results of my Peacock shawl, but he got so frustrated with the concentration required that after a while, it was banned from our together time. He *never* minds when I am working on less demanding projects.
Comment by Astrid — December 4, 2007 @ 9:56 am
Well said! And I love all these comments!
I usually knit when I’m at my in-laws for the holidays. At first I resisted the temptation to take my knitting with me, but I noticed that there would be “down” times when everyone sort of wandered off and picked up a book or newspaper to read during lulls in the conversation. The first time I brought my knitting, my mother-in-law kept asking if I was bored at her house. I told her that it’s not that I’m bored, I just get all fidgety especially if everyone else is in their own little world at the moment. I also told her I like knitting more than reading something, because I can still talk to people. She still gives me the stink-eye, and I have wondered if I should stop knitting, but I still pull out the knitting if others start reading or taking naps. Go figure!
Comment by Angela — December 4, 2007 @ 4:44 pm
I loved reading this discussion on Ravelry too. I’m like Andrea! I used to have my nose buried in a book. At least while knitting I’m actually in the same world.
But time and place and company, I guess. There’ve been a few times when I’ve desperately WANTED to knit, but didn’t because of the circumstances. Now I just try to avoid those circumstances. 😉
Comment by Carrie K — December 4, 2007 @ 7:24 pm
I find it very interesting that people feel they have a right to knit wherever they choose, especially at social events. It’s not that I find knitting itself particularly rude, but I would never expect someone who’s hobby was scrapbooking, or whittling, or collecting dryer lint to pursue their hobby in a social setting. Sure, they could still follow the conversation, and sure, they’re getting a lot done, but it sends a clear message that their attention is divided.
My own rules for knitting are not set in stone, but I usually won’t knit in a social setting unless among friends who also knit or close family. Airports, long car rides and doctor’s offices are fair game, but those are also times when it would be appropriate to bring a book and tune out entirely.
And now I just have to gush a bit… I love this blog! I am really enjoying all the projects and tips that are in your archives. Thanks for taking the time to make all this available to other knitters!
Comment by Natalie — December 4, 2007 @ 8:16 pm
I knit the whole way through graduate school without a complaint. At the beginning of each semester, I explained to the instructor and classmates that knitting actually helped me to concentrate, and that I wanted them to know that though it might seem as if I weren’t paying attention, in fact my concentration was heightened. I then asked if anyone minded, and gave them plenty of time to respond. No one ever did, so I knit happily on, putting down my needles when I had to take notes.
Comment by Elise Lufkin — December 5, 2007 @ 2:21 am